IEP - teacher made a threat?

Question

To MAKE a long HORRIBLE story short-
My son's annual review was a week or so ago and we set it all up-after reading the minutes I noticed that nothing was mentioned about "communication" ( and issue I brought up as a concern....I don't feel as if I get enough) Via email ,I hinted at adding it to his IEP... ( this is a teacher that is not the type to say...:"he had a great day"...or "he is very friendly with"......so I figured at least every couple of weeks a quick note would be helpful)

The next day at school the teacher said "don't make any waves, I had to fight to keep him on an IEP"

Do you think what she said is called for? All I want is a little more feedback and she basically threatened to have my son's IEP taken away? I know that it can't be (taken away)....my issue is that fact that she actually said what she said! What do you think?

Would you be mad if you were a parent....and if you are a teacher would you EVER say what she said?

Answer 1

I became a special education teacher because I grew up with a sister who has a significant developmental disability. Now that we are both adults, I am her conservator, because our father is deceased and our mother is in poor health. So I can relate to both sides of this equation.



As a family member, I know how important it is to know that my loved one is getting the concern and attention she needs and deserves. I do get annoyed when the adult program she is now in doesn't communicate with me, especially when it is an issue that could have more easily been resolved had they been in touch with me as soon as the problem arose.



As a teacher, I make a sincere effort to communicate with the families of my students. In addition to the classroom phone number, I give everyone my email address and my voice mail number, and I send a communication notebook home with each child. Ideally, I would be able to jot a quick note daily, but in reality, I have 10 students, and if I spend even 3 minutes writing to each person, that's 30 minutes a day. I don't have a planning period like the general ed teachers do, and because of the special needs of my students, I cannot just send them out to recess or to the cafeteria; I need to be present with them. So I am literally on duty from the moment the kids arrive until they leave in the afternoon. I only use the restroom after checking that my assistant is OK with managing things for 4 or 5 minutes. Our kids need assistance with toileting, and about half are not toilet trained or have accidents. About half my students do not communicate verbally, and nearly as many have significant behavioral issues, including physical aggression. And then there is the need to work on the specific IEP goals of each student; with 10 students, we are responsible for implementing activities and collecting data on anywhere from 60 to 100+ objectives. It's an incredibly intense and busy day, and if you haven't lived it, you really can't appreciate it.



And as I said, I have the legal responsibility for a sibling with a disability, as well as taking care of a mother who is in severe decline mentally and physically. And I have a husband and children who need my attention and care. And now and again, I would just like to have a couple of hours where I could just think about myself. But I spend between 50 and 75 hours per week on classroom related activity, because I LOVE my job and I LOVE my students.



So - as far as your particular situation is concerned, knowing first hand the stresses of both family and of teachers - I would not make a judgment. As I said, if I even take 3 minutes of time during the school day to write a note to each parent, I have spent 30 minutes of my instructional day, which is 30 minutes that I am not teaching anyone. (And time yourself - you can't write much in 3 minutes, especially if you are supervising 10 kids with special needs at the same time.)



I do try to give the benefit of the doubt to the families of my students when they are not exactly considerate or politically correct in their communications with me. I also try to do the same when the residential and adult programs involved with my sister communicate. We are all human, with lives outside the immediate moment, and none of us is without fault. So perhaps, when you are able to communicate in a calm and unemotional way, you could ask the teacher to clarify what she meant. Try something along the lines of "I understood you to say that I shouldn't make waves because my son's IEP was nearly taken away. Is that a correct interpretation, or did I misunderstand?" And please be open to the possibility that you did not understand what she meant. Life is full of miscommunication, even between people who know each other well; communication is a two-way street, and both sides need to keep the roads open.

Answer 2

To threaten is a bad thing when a teacher but IEP's can be removed if done in the right way. If, during evaluation, it is found the student no longer requires the modifications or any other modifications the IEP can be canceled. It is very rare that this happens as the teaching profession loves to label kids for life. However, IEP's do change and that is why you have either a yearly or a bi-yearly evaluation and review of the IEP.



As for the teacher. Kill her with kindness. Call every so often and ask about your child. if she won't answer then call and talk to the Special Education teacher who also needs to be working with your child. It is not enough on an IEP to simply make modifications in the classroom. By law the special education teacher has to spend so many hours a week with your child (whether the IEP is for special education or gifted education).



Good luck......if you get nothing from those two, talk to the principal of the school and address your concerns. Do not worry about reprieve by the teacher......just keep fighting for your child's rights....

Answer 3

I would be a bit upset if a teacher said this to me!



Your wish for more communication seems very reasonable and clearly not "making waves". In fact , every parent should have the information they need, the communication with their childs team. In some cases school districts actually build this into the IEP to help create the time and space for the team members to make this happen---like a phone conference every 2 weeks or once a month. sometimes strategies like a spiral notebook communication system is designed so the parent can write a message like----my son didn't sleep very well at all due to some anxieties----please keep this in mind today in his lessons----and in relation to his behavior---he may not be at his best today----or teachers may comment-----the child seems tired and distant today----has he been sleeping okay or just wondering what might be causing this change in activity level?



As a team member---I often struggle finding enough time to communicate ---not wanting to or valuiing communication ----so it is helpful if the team can discuss real practical solutions that are truly do-able by all. But to say------don't make waves------and imply you should be just grateful he has any services at all------is very disrepectful to you----------It shows that your concern was not taken seriously-----it was totally dismissed and you were being pushed to "be quiet " and "go with the program"----"like it or leave it" this is not appropriate and not the way human service workers should interact.



One thing to consider is -----is this an isolated event----perhaps this teacher was having a bad day or getting some tough messages from her superiors and she is a bit discouraged about what she can actually do for her kiddos.



Sometimes workers get a bit dissillusioned. It is not acceptable --but perhaps if this is this case you may still get the communication you need but be able to find a supportive solution or approach for both of you----you may want to try and disarm the teacher-----by careful choice of your words and become allies instead of battling each other-----



This may not be the case and the teacher may not want to do anything "extra" ( although communication should not be considered an extra) then a discussion with her superiors or others on the team may help promote the communication you deserve.



hang in there.



and remember----you are entitled to your feelings----and to express your concerns and have them heard in an IEP! You are the parent!

Answer 4

My response would be that she has no say on weather or not the IEP stands. She does have input...that is true..but your child has to meet state mandated guidelines to qualify for an IEP and, unless they can prove these issues are no longer severe enough to qualify, it can not be recinded and it has to have parental approval even then. My next step would be to say "If there are doubts about the need for an IEP, then you and I definitely need to have better communication. We both know he needs these services and it will go easier if we appear as a united front." Ask for her email or offer to send a notebook in daily for her to jot you a note...and then do it religously. When she doesn't follow through, simply call her during lunch breaks or first thing in the morning (most teachers must be in the building 30 minutes prior to the start of class) and do not take no for an answer.



As a parent, I would be shocked by the statement and while it would upset me, I would be more anxious to know exactly what she means to see if there are any grounds to what she is saying. After determining that, I would then either follow the plan I suggested above or report her to her administrative staff.



As a teacher, we are trained never to make any sort of statement that leaves a parent feeling threatened. If I had a student that I knew was in danger of having the need for an IEP questioned, I would find a way to talk to the parent. This can be difficult as in many school districts, teachers are forbidden to discuss administrative actions or queries with parents until a decision has been reached. For them to do so is often a very big risk and many times they will find "unofficial" ways to tip parents off. The way your son's teacher phrased her comment would strike me as her attempt to do just that. Sometimes offering to communicate unofficially will work...personal emails, calls after school hours.



I tend to try and give most teachers the benefit of the doubt. If they are tryine to help, it will become clear. If they are just bad teachers, that will be clear as well.

Answer 5

I don't think what the teacher said is right at all. I would not worry about the IEP because it will not be taken away. I think that it is important for a teacher to be able to communicate with the parent to let them every now and then how their child is doing in class. I am a dance teacher and I feel that communication is important with the student and the parents. I would never ever had said what she did. I am also learning diabled and all through my school years communication was important between the teacher, student, and parent. If it was not there I and or my parents had to open up our mouths. I would speak to the schools

CSE. I hope that I helped you out. Everything will be fine. Make them realize that you are a concerned parent.

Answer 6

I'd be upset, and I would definitely take it up with the principal. Sounds like she's looking for an excuse to not communicate.



The fact of the matter is that she's not the only person on the IEP team, and she doesn't have sole power over it. You have equal rights to the IEP, and his qualification for IEP is based on numbers from evaluations, not her opinion.



We made it easy for our daughter's teacher to communicate. She's nonverbal so we needed daily information not only on how she performed/behaved, but also little things like what pleased her that day, what schoolwork she did, so that we could prompt her at home to speak about those things. We had a checklist that we printed up and had bound, so that they could write notations in the notebook and stick it in her backpack.



So maybe you could say to the teacher "I know you're quite busy, so I printed up these notes so you could just check things off", or write a quick note, however you like to do it.....depends on his age and ability. Make sure you tell her how much you appreciate her work at the IEP meeting!

Answer 7

Tell them you will take them to court since your due process was violated. You have the right to all the paperwork and it must be given to you at the IEP. Let them know you know your rights and will get an Educational Lawyer (even if your really won't or can't they don't know that) Also document how long it has been since you have had that meeting and each request you have made and who said they would you the paperwork. Present this in your requests so they know you mean business. In the future tape record and let them know you are tape recording your IEP meetings. It is perfectly legal. Research your parental rights . They cannot do anything without your consent so don't sign anything you do not agree to

Answer 8

As a Speech Pathologist, I feel communication between the parent and the teacher is vital to the educational success of the student. First of all you do not "keep him on an IEP" He HAS and IEP for a reason. He tested in due to difficulties he is having learning the traditional way. I would voice your concern over this comment with your teacher. Also please be familiar with the law in your state. And remember as the parent YOU are part of the "team"...You know your child and communication between the teacher and the parent is essential to carryover skills learned in school, at home!

Good Luck!

Answer 9

I feel bad your son's teacher said this to you. She should not have done this, and shold have chosen her words more carefully. You do have the right to have communication on the IEP. IEP's should be based on the teams decision, if you mentioned that you wanted communication on the IEP the team should have talked about it at the meeting. You do have thr ight to reconvene the IEP. If you do this you can bring an advocate for yourself/child, maybe an advocate could help in this situation.



I do not think it is innappropriate for you to ask for communication. For some students we do communication notebooks with home everyday, with some we send a letter in the mail once a week, it is all based on student need.



Good luck!

Answer 10

What the teacher said was out of line, or at least phrased badly. I think what she meant by saying she had to fight to keep him on an IEP is that he is close to not qualifying anymore and would be dropped from services. She fought to keep him with services because she still saw a need for assistance.



Maybe request a teacher meeting with her, the regular education teacher(s), and the principal about what your concerns are and what you would like to see happen in school. Get everyone on the same page. Then if you have diffiuclties in getting information or things aren't progressing as you would like. Take the next step and talk to supervisors.

Answer 11

An IEP doesn't guarantee daily, weekly, or even monthly communication from your child's teachers. If you want to speak with them, then you need to be the one to call them. If they don't return your calls, bring it up with the principal and make sure you document everything. The only communication that is guaranteed is the reporting of the progress you child is making towards his or her IEP goals. This should be specified in the IEP, as well as how the progress will be reported. Usually this is quarterly with the reportcard. It is on you to initiate communications. The teacher shouldn't have said that, but really there's no recourse for jerks.....good luck.

Answer 12

This teacher was completely inappropriate in your dealings with her.



First and foremost, any problems she had with your request should be dealt with in the IEP meeting. This is the place she should have addressed any complaints she had with the communication issue.



Secondly, any issue you feel needs addressing should be dealt with as a legitimate issue. Maybe you are fortunate and your son's progress in her eyes is so significant that he is close to completing his goals. She may not understand your desire for more communication. This would however, bring me back to the first point.



I would suggest writing a detailed letter to her supervisor, most likely the principal. Write as much detail as possible, time, place, exact scenario of what was said, verbatim if you can remember (and if you are like me, I have been so infuriated with my daughter's school I remember some of those incidents better than her birth), Be sure to also state, in writing, what action you want taken to remedy the situation with a time line of action (how long they have to fix the problem). Be specific. If you just report it, the school will read it, might acknowledge it, and possibly ignore it. Ask them to send you a response in writing of what action they took. Keep a copy of your letter. Hand deliver it to the supervisor.



If you do not get what you want, keep going up the chain of command, all the way to the Department of Education. One thing most parents don't know (we learned the hard way) is that the laws are written with a bias to the school. The laws demand you attempt to resolve your issues with the school first, before you bother them with it. So this documentation becomes essential to get them to intervene if necessary.

Answer 13

Keeping a record of ALL communications will help. You should talk to the teacher and let her know that she offended you. She has a tough job but the Home-School connection is a sure way to help your son. Suggest a daily journal, weekly phone conferences, lunch meetings, or observations in the classroom. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to know what is happening in your child's school life. If she refuses your (many) requests then maybe it is time to talk to her with a Supervisor but remember that your child has to see this woman EVERYDAY so being tactful and courteous is important.



I hope that you continue to have an interest in your child's education because having a parent who cares can be the difference between succeeding and not.

Good Luck! :)

Answer 14

Contact the person's immediate supervisor and ask for a follow up also put this request in writting and mail in a certified envelope at the IEP you want to request behavioral and objective information to be communicated to you once every two weeks vial email or snail mail. Your request is reasonable!



If this does not bring your resolution contact an attorney there are attorneys that sue schools and do particularly regarding special Education students.

Let me know how it goes.

Answer 15

I don't think it is an unreasonable request that a teacher stay in touch with the parent. At our center, which serves 60% children with disabilities, our lead teachers communicate with parents daily. Each child with an IEP has a daily notebook. The teachers take a few minutes each day to jot a note about their day or any pertinent info down in it. This is especially helpful for our children who ride buses and the parents are not in constant daily contact with the teacher. Asking your child's teacher to keep in contact with you about your child should not be a big issue. I don't see how asking to have "contact times" added to the IEP should be a problem or "making waves" to her... unless she just feels it is another burden on her. I know there is a lot of paperwork that goes with having a child with an IEP in the classroom, but that is not an excuse to try to get out of telling you about your child's day and progress in the classroom. You have every right to request whatever it is that you want on your child's IEP.



And, not every teacher is looking for a way out or doesn't care about the children they serve... they can easily get overwhelmed by the responsibility just as parents can. I took offense to another answerers comments, and just wanted to say in retort that most teachers who work specifically with special needs children have a passion for what they do. I know the people I work with do... You have to, or you will fail as a teacher. I love this "job" and I love "my kids" in my class... I think about them and their goals during my off-time, and rejoice with their families about their successes. If you feel that your child's teacher (whether they are a regular ed or special ed) is not passionate about the job she does, take him out of the class. You want someone who wants the best for your child, the way you do.

Answer 16

Teachers can make or break and IEP. MOST of them are out to break it. Less work for them! They don't care about kids! Go figure! What she is saying, is "Your lucky you got an IEP, in the first place, don't push it"!! She's a *****! Do not trust her. Do not trust anyone in this field. If they cared about the kids, they would be the one pushing for an IEP, not you in the first place!

Let me tell you something you may not know already.

All these people are snakes in the grass! They are wolves in sheeps clothing! Get what I am saying!!!

So, her communication, means what?! Nothing! She will lie to you, so, you don't want her communication. She will just be a witch, so, leave it alone. I didn't get this on my son's IEP either. I didn't push, because I don't believe a word teachers these days say. I have yet to see a good teacher!!! My son is 10!!!

So, you can do the following: Go sit in on your child's classroom, and check out how he's doing. Go over his homework with him, you can see the real him, in his homework!! If he can't do his homework, he's don't doing well! If he can do his homework with little help, he's doing ok!! Listen to him read, nightly! These are true ways of know how he/she is doing. Have him read to you, nightly and mark his progress!

Don't believe what the school is telling you, they lie. They prompt the kids so much and give answers to them so much, this isn't learning! True learning comes from letting them find the answers, not give them to them!!

Another thing you can do, is at conference time, just sit there and ask away. If they have only 15 minutes for conferences, just sit there and keep talking. Be rude, like they are!

Sorry, but this is the real world, and it's not purty!



Lots of Love,

Tina

Answer 17

Sweety, I don't know where you are, but I've never had a problem with my son's teachers, in fact sometimes I felt that they were overly informative be it on a daily basis or with his IEPs...lol.



But all joking aside, if you felt that what he/she said was a threat, remember that 1. everybody has a bad day, 2. not everybody that's a teacher should be and 3. everybody has a supervisor. Personally that teacher was out of line, maybe they wanted a cookie or a pat on the back...I don't know, but if that's an exact quote, and that's the point they wanted to make, they could have exerted a little more tact.



If you feel uncomfortable talking directly to the teacher with your concerns, then speak anonymously to the school board or whoever is their head honcho. Don't ever allow them to intimidate you, especially using your child's well being as ammo.

Answer 18

Ask the teacher if you could meet with her. If she agrees, set up a plan for communication and have her agree to follow it (Homework Book, Notebook, Memo Pad). Take notes on what was discussed and you can both sign. If she declines a meeting, speak to the principal about the need for a plan for communication between home and school. If the principal is competent, she will institute a plan and follow up with you and the teacher.

Answer 19

Everyone's answers have some pro's and con's to them. However, a teacher making a statement like this one is inapropriate.Call your social service department or U.S. depatment of education - get a statewide advocate

and learn your rights.

Your statewide advocate will council you on "THE LAW" not what others opinions are. Once involved, they will attend your IEP meeting and investigate any situation with regards to the public school questions. good luck

Answer 20

I would take that up with the head of the school she sholudnt have said that she can not take away his iep it take a groop of people that say yes he can or no he cant be on a iep she should be reported and repmand or fired for saying that and if i was you i be looking at a nother school for your son if thay treet you like that

Answer 21

Hi. I had to stop going to iep meetings, , giving it over to my calmer husband, because I fought and it drove me crazy.



Your right is to have communication on the IEP

and to leave a copybook in the childs bag for communication each night.



Your iep is not based on "not making waves for your teacher"



Keep her in compliance with a representative from the arc

at all your meetings.



I know how hard it is and how it pushes our buttons.



it is all very frustrating, isn't it? It has been very difficult for me too.

Answer 22

Unfortunately some teachers make erroneous and ignorant statements to parents and students. You are well within your rights to request ongoing and frequent communication with your child's teachers. Follow up with the child study team case manager and asked them to talk to the teachers about your request. Put your request in writing since schools have to respond to written requests but I would only go that route if the case manager is not responsive to your verbal request.



good luck!

Answer 23

You need to go over this teacher and talk to the principal or higher chain of command because I feel the teacher was way out of line to say such things. You should keep standing up for your child because he/she needs you. You are a good parent!

Answer 24

I would report this to the principal NOW! I had a teacher tell my daughter she was lazy and she was going to fail her 2x in front of the class.I went to the principal and the teacher soon went on "VACATION" and never returned!Also,report it to the Superintendant of the school district if you still feel like you are not getting enough support!

Answer 25

yes i am a parent and my son is in the second grade and i am very much involved with what happens in his class and the first time one of his teachers said that to me I would go straight to principle office and make a complaint, if you can copy and paste everything you have had communication with her and print it out.

also you can find out if other parents have had a problem with this teacher also. good luck